Finding my feet on the ground.

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As-salamu alaykum السلام عليكم everyone. 

How is everyone doing on this fine day? This week’s weather has been lovely. It finally feels like spring. It also lets me know that my Birthday is getting closer.

Last time I spoke, I have told you I have graduated but, with few hurdles I had to deal with. So far, it has been an interesting experience.  I thought starting University would be the hardest part of my education journey however, I was wrong. After you graduate, you have the problem of finding a job let alone a suitable one, and that’s only if you know what route you would like to go. Then there is this more problematic situation to be in for those who know exactly what career they want but, do not have the required qualification or experience to achieve it <- I am in that category.

Have you had a clear plan in your head but it didn’t work out? I had a plan that I was going to spend this gap year doing a Teaching Assistant job so, I get the experience required for doing a Teacher Training course for next year. I am yet to find a Teaching Assistant job. It turns out, it is way more difficult than I anticipated. You know what? This sounds more of a moaning post than I have hoped.

Anyway, what I have been doing apart from moaning (I swear I haven’t) is that I’ve had voluntary experience in 3 different Secondary Schools. I thoroughly enjoyed the experience and it has been the most valuable lesson. This has clarified to me that Teaching is the profession I want to do for the rest of my life. I still haven’t given up yet in looking for a Teaching Assistant job. Also, I could do with a bit more money 😉 greedy laugh.

Aside from current update of my life…

There is this constant problem I have been dealing with. The problem of trying to find your path, the path to the right destination. I know I am not alone. There is probably the entire graduates who are searching around for their “second home” but, they don’t have the tool or a map to know where to start. I have been feeling like a lost puppy for this entire year. It is a first for me, to not know where or what I am doing. It petrifies me. I hate it. How do people not lose hope? I had to keep finding the solution to that problem and I think I may have found it.

I think there is two keys to sustain your Hope or determination. The first is the external key which is, being surrounded by positive & loving people. One factor that has always kept me sane was the element of my family & friends. However, you must have the RIGHT people in your life. Many of us might have many family and friends but, they don’t really help us or could actually make a matter worse. As they say, “it’s not the quantity but the quality”.  I believe this is one of the most important factor in making someone’s life a happy one. If you do not have people with good energy, the people who don’t give you the motivation, always remind you to never give up then, you need to distance them. They are not good for your soul. I can vouch for this advice as I have had many experience in this area. Remember, your inner demons would constant try to take over you, it is the people around you who can remind you of your goal & your unique qualities.

The second is the internal key which is, reflection. At time like these, your self-esteem is fragile. You have very little confidence in your abilities, your skills and majority of yourself. People can only do soo much but, it is ourselves that can deal properly with our internal problems. This has been probably the second time my self-esteem has been a major problem. I have to deal with it every day. When I have those doubtful moments, I sit back for a few seconds and reflect on how far I’ve come in my journey. Look at how much you have achieved. Look at how well you have done for yourself. You could have gone completely astray but, you haven’t. Give yourself a pat in the back (seriously). This will allow you to feel proud of yourself. It should give you back the confidence to carry on working hard to achieve whatever your goal is in life.

This may sound more like a motivation speech compare to a friend passing on some advice. I don’t know how I turn into a “motivation speech” mode Hahah. Either way, I hope my post has given you a boost of positive energy & if you can, pass some of your positive energy this way.

If you are wondering seamlessly in this world, keep looking because you will find the right door. Either way, you will find a companion along the way….

Have a great day my friends.

Signing off

Tasnia xox

Allah Hafiz

A graduate facing the big bad world

As-salamu alaykum السلام عليكم to  all the lovely readers. 

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It feels surreal to be even reading the title. I graduated? seriously? Yes. I have recently graduated with a BA in English Language and Linguistic. Woo! That was a mouthful to say but, also it sounds kind of fancy. 🙂

My graduation day was perfect. Everything was perfect – The outfit, the ceremony, my classmates, the photographs and a large amount of proud family and friends wishes Alhamdullilah. I definitely did not expect it to be one of the happiest moment of my life because of the circumstances I was in but, my best friend and parents were right. Sometimes it’s alright to consider your parents advice but, only sometimes 😉

What circumstance could you be in for your graduation to be ruined or jeopardised? Well… I graduated with a 3rd class in my degree *bowing down in shame*. For those who do not know how bad it is – it’s the lowest low mark you can achieve in a degree. It’s one place above a “Fail”. To put it into more perspective – it is equivalent of you getting an E or D grade. I realised this isn’t helping me in any way possible haha heck! At least, I am still laughing. This is why I was by a thread, considering to not attend my graduation.

Now that the worst part is over. Let us go into some positivism….

I may have not done greatly. Yes. I was initially heartbroken, shattered, I buried myself in a ditch but, my parents and sister helped me come out of the dark and into the light. They helped me see how this was actually not the end of the world. We all get soo caught up in our education that we tend to forget what holds dear to us. In case, you are one of those people, let me remind you what is more important to you than education.

If it wasn’t for my family & friends love and support, I would have not come out alive *Dramatic Music* because this knocked my confidence right down and sucked the energy out of me. I was constantly worried which also caused stress and unhappiness. I eventually, would have most likely ended up facing depression again. So, what if I didn’t have any of my family and friends? what would my life be like? We all know the answer to that question. It’s during the hardship do we realise how lucky we are to have these loving people in our life. This was definitely one of those moments.

Enough of my dramatism. You are all wondering what I am now doing with my life. My passion is to be an English Secondary School teacher (yes I am being serious). I was very close in changing my job prospective but, along came one of my amazing auntie who woke me up to reality. I am currently working as a Teaching Assistant in Secondary Schools. This would enhance my experience in a classroom and give me an even greater opportunity into Teaching or teaching courses. It is my first week of working and I am loving it.

So… Do not let any hurdles stop you from achieving your aspirations. They may seem like a big drop when in reality, they are small hiccups along the way. I tend to have one of my “Motivational speech moments” hehe.

I hope someone out there who has lost all hope has gained a small spark of faith to go for their dreams.

Take care my readers. Signing off

Tasnia xox 

Losing Hope

As-salamu alaykum السلام عليكم My dear bloggers 🙂 

How are you? Inshallah well.

I’ve been away for a long time from the world of Blogging. I did promise myself I would try to put entries as much as possible. Persistency has been an issue. Somehow I found it hard to think about what my recent entry is going to be about. Maybe that’s because I have a lot of things going on in my mind… Many questions, many worries, many possibilities, many scenarios etc mostly, negative thoughts. Then I remember, I said I was going to write about the journey of my life. So, I came to the conclusion to talk about the current demon I have (still am) been facing the time I was away from here. I read that this would help me in many ways.

The demon I have been going through is Depression. Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t yet been diagnosed by the doctors because I am not comfortable to talk about this to anyone or to very very few people. From TV, googling and knowing people who have depression I have come to the solution that it was depression. There was no other explanation. I know Depression is one of the most common mental illness. I know you have heard or read about it many times. I know I have. I use to switch whenever the subject use to arise. I believe reading through people’s experience of depression helps by being aware.

I’m not sure when the first symptom of Depression appeared. As far as I remember, it might have started when I had my first assignment to do. I started my final year of University in a high note. I was motivated, positive and really looking forward to learning. However, one point my emotions started to go down. It was a gradual downpour. It likely started when I missed my one lecture, when I had a lot of university work to do. I wanted to get on top of the work before the pile grew bigger. The cycle of my university absence was getting persistent. There were times when I would miss an entire week of university. The more I missed, the more I had to catch up on. At that point, I don’t exactly remember how I was feeling. I remember the negativity starting to gently kick in. I don’t know why I started to miss lessons after the first one, when I knew I would get into this mess? Now, you can imagine how having soo much work to catch up on, and do, would affect someone’s motivation.

Eventually I lost all motivation & determination. My mind was filled with all negative thoughts. This lead to me procrastinating. I somehow couldn’t get myself to do anything. I didn’t want to do any of the university work. I got to the point where I didn’t want to get out of bed. I wanted to do NOTHING. I left my assignment deadlines & revision to the last minute. But, I didn’t want my family (parents & sister) to see me in bed the whole day for no good reason. I didn’t want them to see me go through depression. This was the rope that stopped this demon from taking over me. This was the driving force that got me to get things done. I didn’t want anyone to know I was going through this issue. I didn’t get any satisfaction from the things that made me feel happy.  I was feeling like I was the worst person alive. Every negative connotation was me.  I felt empty.  It felt like I was slowly burying myself.

I find it hard to explain the emotions I was going through. I guess, depression is a hard concept to explain to people or even myself. The big question that kept constantly going through my mind is:-

“Why would I go through Depression if there is nothing bad going on in my life?”

Even now I am trying to find the answer to that question. I’m not sure if there is one. I learnt there is various degrees of depression. I obviously, don’t have major depression because major depression is when you can’t get on with your daily life. I think, I have minor depression. As soon as I identified my problem the sooner I was able to find a solution.

My university friends noticed there was something going wrong with me. They tried to reach out to me but, I didn’t feel comfortable to confess to any of them. The reason because I didn’t have that connection or close friendship with most of them to be able to talk about my emotions. There was one close friend ‘Klaudia’ who I felt one of the closet to. She was the first person I expressed my problem to and she was a great support. Thankfully, my best friend ‘Emma’ was the very person who I think got me through this which she probably doesn’t know. She is the person I tell my heart & soul to & she has always been one of the closest person in my life. I felt better just by talking to her about my battle. It turned out she was going through something similar. It made things better because she understood where I was coming from. She understood me and my battle.

Here I am still trying to vanish Depression. I have come far. It is still a problem I am going through. Hidden on my own from rest of the world is probably not helping my progression. I am thinking positive. Unlike before, this time I have determination to come through this.

I am finishing off feeling optimistic. Writing this has given me a glimpse of hope. Who thought by doing something simple as this can make things a bit better 🙂

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Thank you for reading through this depressing piece hahaha

Hope life treats you all good Inshallah.

Take care, Allah Hafiz

Tasnia xox

 

 

“Seeking knowledge is obligatory upon every Muslim” – Hadith

As-salamu alaykum السلام عليكم My dear Muslims

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How are you all doing? Inshallah well 🙂

I have an important advice to pass onto you guys. I found this reminder has changed my life in a big way than I thought. What I am going to talk briefly about is seeking knowledge of Islam but, the right way.

It is important to make sure we are gaining our knowledge of Islam from the correct sources. It is easy for us to learn about Islam from materials & people (humans are not perfect) that do not back up the points from the Quran or The Hadith. If we want to learn the right way of Islam then we must be careful where we get our knowledge from. The following questions I keep asking myself whenever I come across a source of Islamic information are:

1) Does this point appear in the Quran?

2) Did Muhammad PBUH follow this teaching?

Like everything else we learn, we need evidence before we prove our point. Without evidence how can you consider the facts? Throughout my life I have found it significant to properly learn Islam from the Quran.  What I mean by this is, examining the current situation of the verse that was revealed at the time,  Who was it revealed to? Who is Allah SWT talking about? and why did he reveal this?

I came to my realise that learning Islam from the Quran is not just by reading but, closely looking at the Holy book. Its looking at the small details that make a big difference. The consequence of not doing this, was me missing the gems of The Quran & it lead me slowly to the wrong path. People may think what is she on about wrong path? well if we think about it, if you are acquiring knowledge of Islam without the evidence shown then you are obviously acquiring the wrong information. This leads to us implementing the wrong message of Islam. We would also pass on the wrong knowledge of Islam to others which either begin to get them confused (different teachings) or be also  leading them along with you to the wrong path. This is actually more serious than we consider.

Gaining wrong message of Islam could possible lead us to have extreme views . When I was learning Islam from internet sources and books which did not correctly back up the information from the Quran or Hadith I found myself holding some extreme views of Islam. For example, In 6-form I would slowly start to back away from my non-Muslim friend. I would try not to interact with them in any possible way even though, they did not lead me away from Islam. I came to the point where I would start to hate non-Muslims. It was getting a bit too extreme and my parents started to realise I was going the other way.

Its thanks to my family passing this advice unto me that got me to the right path. I thought this might be also a helpful advice to pass on to my fellow Muslims.

Inshallah this benefits you,have a good day.

Allah Hafiz 

Tasnia x

A makeover : My journey to Hijab

As-salamu alaykum السلام عليكم beautiful people 🙂 

I’m back peeps 🙂  I’ve been absent from the blogging world and one of my summer goals was to keep blogging. I guess that didn’t go down well (the answers to why my blog has zero followers). My usual excuse – I’ve been too busy.

The last time I blogged was during the summer holiday when it was Ramadan. That’s all gone and I’ve already started my final year of my degree (Ahhh!!) There has been new changes in my life and one of the most obvious one is my change in appearance. The big shock was for the people who knew me before. I have finally took the leap in wearing ‘The Hijab’ 🙂 YEEEPPEEE!!!

I know this isn’t something new none of us Muslims haven’t heard or read about but, this is perhaps one of my pivotal points in my life. It has token me a long time to make this change – I have been thinking about wearing the Hijab for the last 3 years. Why haven’t I done anything for soo long?

The hijab never came into my mind (even being born into the religion). I never once stopped and thought ‘what is Hijab?’ To be honest, nothing or no one drew me to think about the Hijab (then few of my Aunties wore the Hijab) I first thought about the Hijab when it was during the time I was practising the Deen. This was when I was always increasing my knowledge of Islam and when I was looking into the matter of the women in Islam the topics that was raised were ‘The Hijab’ and ‘Modesty’.  I learnt and I fell in love with the whole idea of the Hijab’. I recognised the beauty of Hijab and its Modesty. From then on, I was soo adamant to wear the Hijab but, I was somehow shy to admit this to anyone.

One day I went downstairs and my dad asked me “Tasnia are you thinking of wearing the Hijab?” I was in shock “Kalamoni (my Aunty- Mums sister) told them”- I simply answered “yes” and that’s all I said throughout an hour discussion of hearing my dad give advice and encouragement regarding the Hijab. After that special moment between a father and daughter I felt even more adamant to wear the Hijab.  However it wasn’t all going to be easy…..

You wouldn’t think a born Muslim would not have any of her family disapprove with this decision. But, I was wrong. I didn’t have my family disapproving but, my mother was. When my mum found out she simply didn’t agree with me wearing the Hijab because I wasn’t a good enough person to wear it. She might as well said that. She said “you first have to sort out your manners and speech before you start wearing the Hijab, if your heart isn’t good then there is no point in wearing the hijab”. She thought it would be hypocritical for me to start wearing the Hijab when I first need my inside to be clean. Fair enough. She had definitely a good point. That is all it took for me to rip away my idea of wearing the Hijab.

3 years went by and still the matter of ‘The hijab’ was in the back of my mind. The ambition of wearing one was still there but, my practise of the Deen was gone. What my mum said was always stopping me from wearing the Hijab or even practising Islam. I came to the point where, without Islam nothing was giving me happiness and I knew one thing was definitely missing to complete this full happiness. That was ‘The Hijab’.  Along came my Aunty (Dads cousin) who said ‘What if you die today or tomorrow and you didn’t wear the Hijab? You would regret it for the rest of your life’ – That right there was the driving force to why I took the big step. After experiencing someone close to me passing away, I knew I had to wear the Hijab no matter what anyone said or did.

SO….

I set a goal to wear the Hijab when I start my new year of University. This gave me the whole summer to prepare and think properly through. The last thing I wanted to do is be those women who rushed into an important decision and later regretted it. The first person I told was two people who I am closest to which are my aunty and my sister. As I expected, they were immensely supportive and encouraging.  Once in a while I wore the Hijab during the summer to get use to the experience and I eventually told everyone. The last person I told was the person I was most scared to see their reaction to and that was my mum. To my surprise, she didn’t say anything horrible or hardly anything. Just simple reaction “ok”. I guess, she held her tongue because she knew it wouldn’t change my decision or she thought I wasn’t going to take it seriously just like before.

When the new year of University began I said ‘Bismillah’ and I wore the hijab. This was it. The feeling was empowering and special. One of those experience and transformation you can’t put into words. I didn’t get any problem from anyone. Just got the occasional shock from my university peers and from the regular customers from my work place. I did get a few unkind words from my mum. She thought I had no area to have flaws because I was wearing the Hijab. Her idea of the Hijab was “perfection”. Sometimes if I did anything wrong she would say things like “Why the heck you wearing the hijab if you’re doing that?” This broke my heart and still gets to me. My self-esteem was blown apart. I deep down felt like I was a horrible person, a horrible Muslim. However this time I wasn’t going to let my mums words stop me from progressing in my Deen.

Ever since I’ve wore the Hijab my behaviour and attitude have transformed. From a person who was a Pessimist became optimistic. From someone who was lazy became productive, from someone who wasn’t praying was praying 5 times a day. From someone who was shy expressing her love to her mother and sister was not afraid to embrace them with hugs. My mum noticed the transformation and I think I changed her perception of the Hijab. I have learnt actions speak louder than words.  Now my mum never says anything hurtful to me regarding the Hijab because she realises that the Hijab is the step into leading you to the right path of Islam. Why is that bad when my daughter has become a better person?

Thanks to the Hijab it has improved my life. I think twice before I commit a sin and I am always aware of Allah SWT. I know by me wearing the Hijab I am representing the religion of Islam. I am glad I didn’t hesitate to take this step. I wouldn’t change it for the world Alhamdullilah. So, to my dear Muslim sisters, don’t take another minute in making the decision to wear the Hijab or anything that is for Allah SWT. Just do it. Trust me. Everything will fall into place Inshallah.

Wishing you all a blessed day.

I am now signing off as a proud  Hijabi 🙂

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Allah Hafiz 

Tasnia xox 

Procrastination: The time killer.

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As-salamu alaykum السلام عليكم  my dear Muslim bloggers

 Insh’Allah your all having a good day 🙂 Ramadan is going way too fast, already 2 weeks gone.

One of the new struggles I have been going through is procrastination. It’s become increasing more difficult to manage  which I guess is normal with any issues. This problem began during my A-levels. I did find a solution however, I started again in the beginning of my University. Why did I start to procrastinate? why didnt I procrastinate before my A-levels? I think the answer to those question was that – I started to procrastinate when I had free time in my hand and the problem would only occur during the period of my life where I lacked motivation and enjoyment in my tasks. I knew I had to eliminate the problem before it began because it was difficult to stop procrastinating when you’ve been into it for long hours.I did find a way to vanish procrastination however, slowly it’s coming back because its summer where us students have most of our free time. I’m here again tackling this battle…..

These are the tips I found to fight the deadly time killer:-

1) Timetable> I created a  daily timetable that was based around my lifestyle. For example, tailoring my tasks around the 5 daily Salat (not the other way round). One way to deal with procrastination is by organising your life and the best way to start this is by making a detail plan on what your going to do everyday. By doing this, I found that it helped me have a clear map of how my day is going to be.This also was  a starting point.

2) Goals> I know this is similar to the first one but, it gives a different focus point. Before I start the day I always make a sure I set myself at least 3 goals that I want to accomplish by the end of the day. I began to write them down before I went to bed but, now I prefer to keep them stored in my head. They were things like, going to clear out my clothes in my Wardrobe, finish my introduction of my Essay and apply for 3 jobs (the goals could be small or big). These goals gave me a driving force to finish my tasks I have put aside for a long time. At the end of everyday I found myself not just feeling productive but, light weight.

3) Early mornings> The times where I had little productivity and more procrastination was the days where I woke up late. We don’t think this would have a big effect on our lifestyle but, it truly does. Whenever I wake up later than 11am I found myself feeling half of the day has gone to waste, then I would just not bother getting anything done. I would think “what the hell there’s no point doing anything because half of my day is nearly gone”. Therefore I set my alarm on at least 9am. In that way I started my day with more time on my hands to accomplish the tasks in my timetable.

4) Breaks> when I use to follow my timetable I hardly had enough breaks in between which made me feel exhausted and tired. I made a change by putting regular intervals in between my tasks and the breaks wouldnt be more than 30min long.  when you do take breaks more than 30min long you would start to get lazy and carry on doing whatever you were doing on your break time. I felt the breaks boosted back-up my energy and recharge my batteries. Its important to have breaks whenever your doing any long tasks because you don’t want your body to ware out.

After applying these tips in my life I found myself being productive , getting things done quicker and most importantly having positive attitude that has been absence from me for a while. Its empowering to have motivation and determination back in my life because when I do procrastinate I lose these two important factors in my life. Without determination and motivation I lose the love of my studies. These tips have helped me majorily in being productive and killing procrastination. I hope it can be as useful to you as it has been for me Insh’Allah.

Jazak Allah Kair for taking your time in reading this. I’m off now to drink some coffee to keep me awake till Sehri. Have a good day.

Take care, Allah Hafiz

 Tasnia xox