“you do NOT do evil to those who do evil to you, but you deal with them with forgiveness & kindness” – Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)
As-salamu alaykum السلام عليكم beautiful people 🙂
I’m back peeps 🙂 I’ve been absent from the blogging world and one of my summer goals was to keep blogging. I guess that didn’t go down well (the answers to why my blog has zero followers). My usual excuse – I’ve been too busy.
The last time I blogged was during the summer holiday when it was Ramadan. That’s all gone and I’ve already started my final year of my degree (Ahhh!!) There has been new changes in my life and one of the most obvious one is my change in appearance. The big shock was for the people who knew me before. I have finally took the leap in wearing ‘The Hijab’ 🙂 YEEEPPEEE!!!
I know this isn’t something new none of us Muslims haven’t heard or read about but, this is perhaps one of my pivotal points in my life. It has token me a long time to make this change – I have been thinking about wearing the Hijab for the last 3 years. Why haven’t I done anything for soo long?
The hijab never came into my mind (even being born into the religion). I never once stopped and thought ‘what is Hijab?’ To be honest, nothing or no one drew me to think about the Hijab (then few of my Aunties wore the Hijab) I first thought about the Hijab when it was during the time I was practising the Deen. This was when I was always increasing my knowledge of Islam and when I was looking into the matter of the women in Islam the topics that was raised were ‘The Hijab’ and ‘Modesty’. I learnt and I fell in love with the whole idea of the Hijab’. I recognised the beauty of Hijab and its Modesty. From then on, I was soo adamant to wear the Hijab but, I was somehow shy to admit this to anyone.
One day I went downstairs and my dad asked me “Tasnia are you thinking of wearing the Hijab?” I was in shock “Kalamoni (my Aunty- Mums sister) told them”- I simply answered “yes” and that’s all I said throughout an hour discussion of hearing my dad give advice and encouragement regarding the Hijab. After that special moment between a father and daughter I felt even more adamant to wear the Hijab. However it wasn’t all going to be easy…..
You wouldn’t think a born Muslim would not have any of her family disapprove with this decision. But, I was wrong. I didn’t have my family disapproving but, my mother was. When my mum found out she simply didn’t agree with me wearing the Hijab because I wasn’t a good enough person to wear it. She might as well said that. She said “you first have to sort out your manners and speech before you start wearing the Hijab, if your heart isn’t good then there is no point in wearing the hijab”. She thought it would be hypocritical for me to start wearing the Hijab when I first need my inside to be clean. Fair enough. She had definitely a good point. That is all it took for me to rip away my idea of wearing the Hijab.
3 years went by and still the matter of ‘The hijab’ was in the back of my mind. The ambition of wearing one was still there but, my practise of the Deen was gone. What my mum said was always stopping me from wearing the Hijab or even practising Islam. I came to the point where, without Islam nothing was giving me happiness and I knew one thing was definitely missing to complete this full happiness. That was ‘The Hijab’. Along came my Aunty (Dads cousin) who said ‘What if you die today or tomorrow and you didn’t wear the Hijab? You would regret it for the rest of your life’ – That right there was the driving force to why I took the big step. After experiencing someone close to me passing away, I knew I had to wear the Hijab no matter what anyone said or did.
I set a goal to wear the Hijab when I start my new year of University. This gave me the whole summer to prepare and think properly through. The last thing I wanted to do is be those women who rushed into an important decision and later regretted it. The first person I told was two people who I am closest to which are my aunty and my sister. As I expected, they were immensely supportive and encouraging. Once in a while I wore the Hijab during the summer to get use to the experience and I eventually told everyone. The last person I told was the person I was most scared to see their reaction to and that was my mum. To my surprise, she didn’t say anything horrible or hardly anything. Just simple reaction “ok”. I guess, she held her tongue because she knew it wouldn’t change my decision or she thought I wasn’t going to take it seriously just like before.
When the new year of University began I said ‘Bismillah’ and I wore the hijab. This was it. The feeling was empowering and special. One of those experience and transformation you can’t put into words. I didn’t get any problem from anyone. Just got the occasional shock from my university peers and from the regular customers from my work place. I did get a few unkind words from my mum. She thought I had no area to have flaws because I was wearing the Hijab. Her idea of the Hijab was “perfection”. Sometimes if I did anything wrong she would say things like “Why the heck you wearing the hijab if you’re doing that?” This broke my heart and still gets to me. My self-esteem was blown apart. I deep down felt like I was a horrible person, a horrible Muslim. However this time I wasn’t going to let my mums words stop me from progressing in my Deen.
Ever since I’ve wore the Hijab my behaviour and attitude have transformed. From a person who was a Pessimist became optimistic. From someone who was lazy became productive, from someone who wasn’t praying was praying 5 times a day. From someone who was shy expressing her love to her mother and sister was not afraid to embrace them with hugs. My mum noticed the transformation and I think I changed her perception of the Hijab. I have learnt actions speak louder than words. Now my mum never says anything hurtful to me regarding the Hijab because she realises that the Hijab is the step into leading you to the right path of Islam. Why is that bad when my daughter has become a better person?
Thanks to the Hijab it has improved my life. I think twice before I commit a sin and I am always aware of Allah SWT. I know by me wearing the Hijab I am representing the religion of Islam. I am glad I didn’t hesitate to take this step. I wouldn’t change it for the world Alhamdullilah. So, to my dear Muslim sisters, don’t take another minute in making the decision to wear the Hijab or anything that is for Allah SWT. Just do it. Trust me. Everything will fall into place Inshallah.
Wishing you all a blessed day.
I am now signing off as a proud Hijabi 🙂
As-salamu alaykum السلام عليكم my dear Muslim sisters
Ramadan Mubarak! 🙂
I didn’t expect my first blog post to be on the 3rd day of Ramadan (Fasting). I have to admit it was difficult for me to write my first post. The first one is the one that gives the first impression so, do go easy on me and bear in mind I will have many spelling mistakes and probably go on a tangent (one of my perks). Now how do I begin my blog?!… as the answer is obvious, I thought I will start my first post in the order of my journey.
Before Ramadan began I have been struggling with myself in all areas. Things like, studying, motivation, relationships (excluding boyfriend) and religion. Somehow I was internally finding it hard to deal with things in life even though I wasn’t going through any hardship. It’s hard to explain. It’s like no matter what I did I didn’t feel happy within. I know it sounds like depression but, I don’t think it was as I’ve done my research into that area.
The first thing I did to figure this out was finding out what the source is. I think what started this was my beloved grandfather death (as far as I remember). It was the only incident that made sense to why I was feeling unhappy for soo long. I haven’t gone through any severe event in my life before that could have triggered it. Ever since my beloved grandfathers death, my soul has gone with me, this is how it felt like. The weird thing is, I didn’t acknowledge the emptiness in my soul until around a month later. It wasn’t just me who started to realise but, my mum was the first and my twin sister. It wasn’t just me who was suffering along with me was, my university degree, my relationship with my parents and my religion. Slowly everything was going to waste.
So how do I resolve this? I was ponder for a long time on how I can fix myself. I started to think which point in my life was I the happiest ? and the answer to that was when I was 15-16 years old during the period of my life where I was practising my religion Islam in a regularly basis. The time where I couldn’t wait to pray the 5 daily Salat, only listening to Qutbahs and Nasheeds during my spare time. Nothing was interesting me other than Islam and I was entirely devoted to Allah SWT. This is what Islam was about. First time ever I felt peace in my soul. I cannot describe the serene feeling I had. I was happy with where my life was, I was less angry, I had patience and this strengthen my relationship with my parents. My Imaan was at its most high and then somewhere down the line I collapsed. I stopped reading the 5 daily salat which was the medicine for my soul. This resulted with everything else falling apart. Yet again, I went back to my old ways. It’s been like this ever since. Now I am 20 years old. I never have felt again that true happiness like I did during that time. So, I’ve learnt the solution to my problem was….
Yep. It was my religion. The very thing that gave me tranquility from the beginning that was taken away by my laziness which resulted in my soul not being feed. I had to take the steps I did previously:
1) Salat = I know this is the most obvious cure to my problem yet, many of us take the power of Salat lightly. I started slowly building my Salah pattern by reading as many as I can (Even if I didn’t read all) I eventually adopted my Salat around my lifestyle. I had a routine which then made everything fall into place. After I finished a Salah I felt my soul lightened. It felt like a burden has been lifted Suban’Allah! I again fell in love with Salat.
2) Dikr= throughout my day I made sure I at least recited some Dikr. This was during any chores, waiting for the bus, during my lunch breaks etc. This didn’t only increase my acknowledgement of my Lord Allah SWT but, also my purpose in this world. This simple act opened my soul.
3) Listening to Kutabahs= I started to listen to any Kutbahs that got my attention, even if it was just a 5 min one as long as it was a material that can inspire me in faith and increase my knowledge. The best source I found was the Youtube channel called ‘Merciful Servant’ their videos are short, simple and powerful Mash’Allah.
Before I took these steps, I first had to have determination to change for the better. I knew I had to get my mind-set right otherwise I would’nt have the mentality to follow through these goal.
So, here I am now after 2 weeks of trying my best to follow these point. There was no better time to find Islam again than the special month of Ramadan. Ever since Ramadan has begun I have found the peace in my soul that I have been searching for a long time. I started to love my Creator Allah SWT. I started to follow my purpose in life and I was content in where I was in my current life Alhamdullilah 🙂 Allah is the most Gracious and Most forgiving.
I finish writing my first blog post as a new person- with a new moon comes a new heart.
Thank you for taking your time to read. I know I am an amateur in this new blogging world 😛
Tasnia Rahman x