As-salamu alaykum السلام عليكم my dear Muslim sisters
Ramadan Mubarak! 🙂
I didn’t expect my first blog post to be on the 3rd day of Ramadan (Fasting). I have to admit it was difficult for me to write my first post. The first one is the one that gives the first impression so, do go easy on me and bear in mind I will have many spelling mistakes and probably go on a tangent (one of my perks). Now how do I begin my blog?!… as the answer is obvious, I thought I will start my first post in the order of my journey.
Before Ramadan began I have been struggling with myself in all areas. Things like, studying, motivation, relationships (excluding boyfriend) and religion. Somehow I was internally finding it hard to deal with things in life even though I wasn’t going through any hardship. It’s hard to explain. It’s like no matter what I did I didn’t feel happy within. I know it sounds like depression but, I don’t think it was as I’ve done my research into that area.
The first thing I did to figure this out was finding out what the source is. I think what started this was my beloved grandfather death (as far as I remember). It was the only incident that made sense to why I was feeling unhappy for soo long. I haven’t gone through any severe event in my life before that could have triggered it. Ever since my beloved grandfathers death, my soul has gone with me, this is how it felt like. The weird thing is, I didn’t acknowledge the emptiness in my soul until around a month later. It wasn’t just me who started to realise but, my mum was the first and my twin sister. It wasn’t just me who was suffering along with me was, my university degree, my relationship with my parents and my religion. Slowly everything was going to waste.
So how do I resolve this? I was ponder for a long time on how I can fix myself. I started to think which point in my life was I the happiest ? and the answer to that was when I was 15-16 years old during the period of my life where I was practising my religion Islam in a regularly basis. The time where I couldn’t wait to pray the 5 daily Salat, only listening to Qutbahs and Nasheeds during my spare time. Nothing was interesting me other than Islam and I was entirely devoted to Allah SWT. This is what Islam was about. First time ever I felt peace in my soul. I cannot describe the serene feeling I had. I was happy with where my life was, I was less angry, I had patience and this strengthen my relationship with my parents. My Imaan was at its most high and then somewhere down the line I collapsed. I stopped reading the 5 daily salat which was the medicine for my soul. This resulted with everything else falling apart. Yet again, I went back to my old ways. It’s been like this ever since. Now I am 20 years old. I never have felt again that true happiness like I did during that time. So, I’ve learnt the solution to my problem was….
Yep. It was my religion. The very thing that gave me tranquility from the beginning that was taken away by my laziness which resulted in my soul not being feed. I had to take the steps I did previously:
1) Salat = I know this is the most obvious cure to my problem yet, many of us take the power of Salat lightly. I started slowly building my Salah pattern by reading as many as I can (Even if I didn’t read all) I eventually adopted my Salat around my lifestyle. I had a routine which then made everything fall into place. After I finished a Salah I felt my soul lightened. It felt like a burden has been lifted Suban’Allah! I again fell in love with Salat.
2) Dikr= throughout my day I made sure I at least recited some Dikr. This was during any chores, waiting for the bus, during my lunch breaks etc. This didn’t only increase my acknowledgement of my Lord Allah SWT but, also my purpose in this world. This simple act opened my soul.
3) Listening to Kutabahs= I started to listen to any Kutbahs that got my attention, even if it was just a 5 min one as long as it was a material that can inspire me in faith and increase my knowledge. The best source I found was the Youtube channel called ‘Merciful Servant’ their videos are short, simple and powerful Mash’Allah.
Before I took these steps, I first had to have determination to change for the better. I knew I had to get my mind-set right otherwise I would’nt have the mentality to follow through these goal.
So, here I am now after 2 weeks of trying my best to follow these point. There was no better time to find Islam again than the special month of Ramadan. Ever since Ramadan has begun I have found the peace in my soul that I have been searching for a long time. I started to love my Creator Allah SWT. I started to follow my purpose in life and I was content in where I was in my current life Alhamdullilah 🙂 Allah is the most Gracious and Most forgiving.
I finish writing my first blog post as a new person- with a new moon comes a new heart.
Thank you for taking your time to read. I know I am an amateur in this new blogging world 😛
Tasnia Rahman x